You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My breasts were aching with rage.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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