The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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