ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
