New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
