I heard we made out
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
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