I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You may now shotgun with the bride
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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