That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
