FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
