I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
