The maid of honor just puked.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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