If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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