well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
