Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
