Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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