I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
