Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
