Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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