you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
