you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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