Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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