I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
