from now on my penis is your penis
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
