Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
