I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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