Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
