Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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