everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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