Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She said her name was "party"
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
