I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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