I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
