Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
