i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
