I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
