dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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