There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
