Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
