after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
