well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You ate ashes out of my bong
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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