ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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