wat bout pragnant strippers??
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
