Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this boner is exhausting
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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