hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
