Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
