please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize