trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
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EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
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I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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