i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you win again, gameday.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
