Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
