I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I checked into jail on foursquare
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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