I puked a lego.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
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mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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