I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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