I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize