I'm lost and stupid without you.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
your like the ambassador to my penis.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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