When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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