FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
