he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize