1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize