if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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