just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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