Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
