Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
