My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
