I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
