Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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