I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
