my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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