I feel like abortions should bother me more
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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