God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
