If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I think I died a long time ago.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
