3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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